Sexpert Advice About Sex Toys You Must Know!

While sex toys used to be seen as gratuitous and only for the sexually “adventurous,” they’re now commonplace, especially at a time when city governments are advising that "you are your safest sex partner" amid COVID-19. The “sex tech” industry is booming and experts are linking their overall use to increased rates of orgasms, especially for women.

Despite the taboos that surround sex toys, and for that matter, female sexuality and desire, research tells us that the use of sex toys increases the frequency of orgasms. Not only that, but sex toys have also been linked to fascilitating orgasms for perimenopausal, menopausal, and post-menopausal women with orgasmic disorder.

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“Only four percent of people with vaginas orgasm most reliably from penetration alone,” says Dr. Laurie Mintz, a professor at the University of Florida and licensed psychologist. “The rest need clitoral stimulation, either alone or coupled with penetration.” The author of “A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex” and “Becoming Cliterate,” and ‘sexpert’ is an expert on the art and science of the orgasm. Naturally, the topic of sex toys comes up regularly. Plain and simple, she explains, “people with vaginas who use vibrators have easier and more frequent orgasms.”


Below, Dr. Mintz answers your top questions about using sex toys including how to get started, which ones work best with a partner, and whether or not it’s possible to use them too much.


What is a good vibrator to start with?


If you’re a first-time vibrator user, check out the sex toys at Simplee Discreet. We have sections for first-time vibrator users.


I’ve never owned one, what sex toy should I get first?


I suggest a clitoral vibrator that has different speeds that you can experiment with. The overwhelming majority of people with vaginas need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and this is why I recommend starting with a clitoral vibrator. Additionally, the intensity of the vibrations enjoyed will vary among people with vaginas and this is why I recommend variable speeds/intensities.


How do I let my partner know that I only orgasm with sex toys?


You can’t overdo your vibrator use. So if you always need a vibrator to orgasm, let them know this and, more importantly, always use a vibrator! It’s that simple.


How can I introduce sex toys into my relationship?


Imagine yourself swimming in a pool with your partner. You’re having a great day swimming, and there happens to be a raft there, and you jump on and off the raft. At the end of the day you don’t call your friend and say, ‘my raft and I had so much fun, and oh my partner was there too.’ The same is true for using sex toys. Make sure you and your partner both understand that sex toys are not a substitute for a partner, but rather tools that provide additional stimulation and then the fun part: go shopping!

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Is it possible to use a vibrator too much? Will it cause damage?


Sex toys cannot make your clitoris loose feeling or damage it permanently. If you use it for a while and start to go numb, just take a break just like if your butt goes numb from riding a bike.


I’m thinking about gifting my partner a sex toy; is that weird or offensive?


Giving your partner the gift of a sex toy is not weird at all. In fact that message it gives is beautiful, it says you care about their pleasure.


What toys do you recommend for both partners to enjoy?


For two people with vaginas having sex, bring whatever toy you use on yourself and teach your partner how to use it on you if they don’t know; you can even use it alone while your partner kisses or caresses you in other areas. If one person has a penis and the other has a vagina, you can also bring whatever you normally use and instruct your partner on how to use it on you; you can also try a cock ring with an attached clitoral vibrator the person with the penis can wear it during intercourse, stimulating their partner.


What is the proper way to sanitize and clean your sex toys?


Most sex toys can be cleaned with mild antibacterial soap and warm water. Wash them for at least 20 seconds and dry them with a clean towel. Additionally, you can purchase sex toy cleaner. I personally use a cleaner which you simply spray on, wait five seconds, and rinse off.

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